What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
