I CAN MOONWALK!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
