I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
