Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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