clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
