I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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