evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
