Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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