grandma shit on top of the toilet
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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