My hand turned me down
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
