How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
