that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
