HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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