Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
