It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
