I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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