At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
