so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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