He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
