Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
