she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
