You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
