Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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