I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
