my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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