The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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