you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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