70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
