First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
