What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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