Dual....:-)
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
