Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
