I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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