yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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