The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
