just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
