Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
