are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
