Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
