Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
