and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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