She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
