yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
