Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
