PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
