Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
