we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
