no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
