first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
