doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
