It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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