Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
