you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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