I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
