who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
