hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
