i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
