Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
