Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
