is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
