I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
