is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
